Ruminations & Recipes

Internet blocked

2009-05-13T16:24:00.002+02:00

Earlier this week, I came to work, only to be greeted by a 'access denied' banner when I tried to access the Internet...apparently the internet in our ENTIRE building is blocked, due to people abusing it.

So no more blogger for me :-( I might check up on my friends and post something now and then, but other than that, I won't be as regular as usual...that sucks!

Hope you all are well and happy...

2 months...

2009-04-30T10:50:00.004+02:00

On Tuesday, I was at work, and around 10am, I realised that it was the 28th...two months since our wedding. I could not believe how quickly the time went! We are married for two months already. And Shukar, it has been great so far :-)

I have a little problem and I don't know how to speak to hubby about it. You see, hubby and his cousin have always been very close and before we were married, he would spend plenty of time with him. Now, everytime WE have free time, we go to his cousin and his wifes' place. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with them at all, in fact, I get along with cousin and his wife very well.
It's just that we ALWAYS have to try and include them in anything we do. Hubby and cousin are even planning on us all going away in December together. I mean, hubby and I discussed that we didn't really have a proper honeymoon, so we would save and go somewhere great in December...now we have tag-alongs!

I have put off bringing it up with him, but I don't want him to take it the wrong way and be upset. Truly, I have no problem with them, it's just that spending time with them is getting too much for me.

Anyone have some advice on how this can be approached?

Good and not so good

2009-04-15T13:05:00.002+02:00

I saw one of my best friends' husbands' recently---with another girl. Yes, they might be separated, but why would he go around the local mall parading with another chick, when nothing is yet finalised about the marriage?
I know he saw me...he had to; but he dared not greet me coz I would have polverised him with my deathly stare! I actually felt sick seeing him with another girl (who bears a striking resembelance to my friend mind you)...I can only imagine how she would have felt.
I spoke to her today and mentioned that I saw him...but left out the fact that he was with someone else---she's been through enough and I didn't want to make her sad.

People get divorced for a multitude of reasons...some pretty serious and some pretty dumb---and then they are the others, the ones where the marriages should not have happened in the first place. I know, I know---it happened because it was meant to---but I honestly believe that sometimes, you get all the signs that something should not happen, yet you ignore them and go with your own gut. Which in my friends' case was detrimental.

Bottom line, I think they got married way too quickly. They met in August and the next year February, they were married. Subtle yet numerous warnings from family members and friends were not enough to deter her...after all, she was in love and was convinced she had found her soulmate. On the surface, everyone and everything seemed hunky-dory (both for the run-up to the wedding, after the wedding up until their first separation-a year and 2 months after they got married). Thats when we learnt about his true colours.
They reconciled (which resulted in the birth of their baby in december last year), only to be separated yet again (when the baby was 2 months old). As it stands now; things are still kinda up in the air because he refuses to be a man and discuss what needs to be done. He avoids the subject matter---always looking for excuses not to talk about it.
I'm a bit rusty on this, but isn't Nikkah null and void if you do not sleep with your spouse for a certain amount of time?

As far as she is concerned, at this time, she wishes NOT to reconcile. He has hurt her tremendously and continues to hurt her. Who knows what will transpire from here on in...I just hope whatever does happen; is for the best and will allow her to be happy once again Insha-allah.

I digress.

Some good news for a change...the hubby has a job now! It's 12hour shifts and pretty far from home, but he's not complaining...he's just grateful that he has a job!

I always said I want to start wearing scarf when I get married Insha-allah and as of Friday, I have worn scarf every day. It makes me feel really good. I feel much calmer too...
Hubby is quite thrilled and keeps telling me how beautiful I look with a scarf on :-)

I am making a conscious effort to do everything better...read most of my salaahs; cook better; be a better wife, sister, daughter, friend, person; go to gym often and be productive; be better at work; just be more of who I already am. Wish me luck...

I want to go away for like two nights...somewhere not too far from Johannesburg and not too expensive---anyone have any ideas? I want to surprise the hubby :-)

Getting to know TCQ...(updated)

2009-04-02T11:29:00.002+02:00

1. I prefer winter to summer
2. I’m very much a morning person---provided I have had a good nights’ sleep
3. I’m a Leo, but do not believe I have typical Leo traits
4. My younger sister and I have beauty spots in the exact same places…it’s quite bizarre actually
5. I love to cook and eat, but I’m very lazy to go to the gym; this of course, is proving to be a not so good combination.
6. I am a qualified masseuse
7. One of my biggest fears is that I will not be able to have kids
8. I have a great sense of humour and really enjoy stand-up comedy shows
9. If given a choice, I would prefer the mountains to the seaside as a holiday destination
10. I’m afraid of the dark, but cannot go to sleep unless it is totally dark
11. I’m afraid of grasshoppers & locusts
12. As a kid, I constantly used to ask for a lion cub as a pet
13. I love animals and have had plenty of pets in my lifetime…right now, I have two cats and one bird
14. I only got my drivers license when I was 25
15. When I was 9, I was kicked by a wild horse that used to roam our neighbourhood. This event has made me deathly afraid of horses
16. As a kid, I used to love adverts on TV. So much so that I actually had a special cassette where I used to record all my favourite ones and watch them often
17. I am the eldest grandchild from both my parents sides
18. I have been wearing glasses since the age of 5 and will have to wear them for the rest of my life. I cannot get contact lenses nor can I go for laser eye surgery as my astigmatism is pretty bad
19. I hardly ever wear make-up
20. I love working on cars and have done minor services on my Dads’ cars
21. I’m a pretty messy girl…thank goodness for hubby; who is a total neat freak
22. I used to wear braces
23. I never leave home without my wedding ring, Labello, my wrist watch and gum
24. Chocolate is my absolute weakness
25. I don’t eat anything that is Banana flavoured (ice-cream, yogurt, cake, muffins), but I do eat bananas
26. I used to bite my nails, but for some reason I couldn’t anymore when I got my braces
27. I’m quite clumsy
28. I have been working since I was 14…Village Bakery used to occupy my weekends and school holidays
29. Tulips are my favourite flowers
30. I’m the biggest procrastinator
31. I have met Brad Pitt (and he's better looking in real life!)
32. I feel cold very quickly
33. I love reading Hollywood Gossip
34. I enjoy watching reality shows (don't mock me!)
35. I used to have a crush on Macaulay Culkin (the guy from the home alone movies). I wrote him a letter and received an autographed photo of him

Venting through words...

2009-03-31T14:09:00.000+02:00

“You are an absolute piece of scum. You say that you are a man of your word and you never go against that. You plead purity and humbleness…only because you have the title of ‘Hafiz’, but unfortunately you do not live up to the Mubarak title.
You lie with a straight face and threaten people for no reason at all. You put down and mentally abuse the sweetest most caring person in the world…why? Because it makes you feel like more of a man?
How do you expect to bring your little baby girl up properly if you have such horrible manners and morals? Do you think what you are doing is right?

The one person who went against their family and stood by you, cheered for you and only wanted the best for you; you turn around and give them a tremendous kick in the backside. How can you live with yourself after doing something so low? And now, because of your lies and some sort of vendetta to make everyone miserable, she has been ostracized from her family. All because she had the intention of helping you…because she made the mistake of caring about you…
You ungrateful, vengeful, spiteful, abusive asshole!

I should have seen the signs; when on your wedding day, you looked at me a little too inappropriately when I greeted you. But no…I tend to always give people the benefit of the doubt. Something I clearly should have not done as you went outside of your marriage not only once or twice, but three times.
You are the only man she has ever slept with and you don’t think twice about messing around with other women. Where is your respect and sense of duty as a husband?

I hate for a marriage to go sour, but in this case, I hope she leaves you as she is certainly the most unhappiest I have seen her in a long time. You have broken her heart and her spirit and for that, I hope you rot in the depths of hell.
She made a mistake and the sooner she can admit to that and move on to better things, the better. I will not make her do anything, but I sure as hell WILL tell her how strongly I (and everyone else) feels about you. Yes, you made a beautiful baby together (a baby which I know YOU didn’t want and tried to convince your wife to abort!), but the marriage was a mistake. Do you know that, days before your wedding, her brother tried to convince her not to marry you? Guess he saw right through your good-looks, charm and overall façade…something everyone else was oblivious to.

There is no use bringing up an innocent child in a home full of tension, resentment and anger. Rather be apart and happy and be better parents, then stay together and inevitably screw the poor child up.

I too made the mistake of trying to help you mend your marriage, but alas, I had to learn the hard way. Now, just over a month into my marriage, I have someone who is not even a friend; putting bad luck and dragging my name through the mud…all because I had the best intentions and wanted to do a good deed.
Never again…I will save my efforts on myself and people that is worth my time and effort.

If I ever have the misfortune of setting my eyes on your sorry self, don’t expect me to acknowledge your existence. You crossed the line and I have no mercy for a lying, cheating and abusive Asshat.”

Easy & Yummy Chocolate Cake

2009-03-30T12:35:00.001+02:00

On Saturday, I was in a baking mood, so I quickly made a chocolate cake.
You can sandwich and top it with anything, but I decided to be really indulgent...

For the cake you need:
1.5 cups of flour
1 cup caster sugar
125g melted butter
2 tsp vanilla/caramel essence
1 tsp baking powder
0.5 tsp bicarbonate of soda
2 eggs
250ml sour cream
125ml cocoa powder

Put all ingredients into a mixer and mix until all blended nicely.
Pour into two round tins and bake for 30mins on 180'C (preheated).
Once cooled, sandwich the two cakes with about half a tin of softened caramel treat.
Top it off with ganache (melt 200g Diary Milk with a quarter cup of milk over medium heat in a saucepan).

Slice and enjoy :-)

Wedding pics

2009-03-24T10:17:00.000+02:00

The dress (from behind)

The Hall Decor

Rings

My rosies

Cuties

The mendhi hands (just for you Killa!)

The lovely locks

Centre pieces

Yummy yummy Tea treats

Very creative cups & saucers

Juice & sweeties at entrance

Chocolate Mousse wedding cake

Main table

Dark & gloomy...like the skies in Jo'burg

2009-03-20T09:17:00.001+02:00

I do not feel like myself these days...

Tuesday I had a terrible IBS flare-up and my blood pressure was really really low. I still did not feel good on Wednesday, so I stayed home from work.
My hubby is so sweet, he looked after me so well when I was ill. He might be unemployed and that is the crux of my stress, but I love him to bits. He makes me incredibly happy...

Why did this have to happen so early in our marriage? We are supposed to be adjusting to married life and enjoying it...not stressing about unemployment and unpaid bills (on his side).

I know it's not right to, but I sometimes loose hope and think things will never come right---I cry in the bathroom at work; on the musallah when talking to The Almighty...well, mostly; anytime when I am alone.

Last night as hubby entered the masjid for esha, his dad called him with news that his 41 year old cousin has passed away. She was diagnosed with Cancer a few weeks before our wedding and she just got worse and worse. Yesterday they had to put her on life support and thats when she gave up the fight. She was never married and never had a chance to be a mother...
'Mariam, even though you are in a better place and not suffering any longer, you will be sorely missed'...
I think it is a law against nature when parents have to bury their kids...having said that, I make duaa everyday that my parents don't die before me.

By the way, Azra; I'm soooo gonna kill you! You got me hooked on peanut-butter & honey on toast and Cornetto Chocolate Hugs. Shame on you! When I eventually get my butt to the gym, I'm going to have to work extra hard!

I promise to have my pics up on Monday...hopefully accompanied with a less sombre post...

Life is a rollercoaster...

2009-03-16T11:47:00.000+02:00

Saturday was a rather solemn day for all ManU supporters around the globe as the beloved REDS lost to the Liverfools... let me rephrase that, they were THRASHED by Liverpool! And at their home ground no less. Even though it was a rather bitter pill to swallow, Liverpool was the better team on the day...ManU just looked...tired.
So, hats off to Gerrard, Torres and the rest of the Liverpool team---they sure did deserve to win...they played thier hearts out.

I digress.

The job situation is not getting any better with the hubby...the job he was supposed to start, was for telesales---now you know how everyone hates telesales people. He tried it for one day and got so demotiovated as people just simply put the phone down or swore at him. With sales, either you have the knack or you don't---and he doesn't unfortunately.
He's been to agencies in the past few days, so hopefully *something* will come up for him Insha-allah.
In this situation, it's so difficult to remain strong and positive, but I'm really trying to be there for him.
They say marriage brings Barakaah...lets hope thay are all right :-)

So, my cuz dropped off the DVD with the wedding pics...thanks to a fellow blogger, I will post a few pics very soon---just need to sift through them. I'm also going to print out a few and put them in an album...anyone know where I can get a nice Wedding Album from?

Family politics suck...big time. It's not nice, but I guess every family goes through it, right?

I'm so so lazy to get off my behind to go to the gym. And the fact that I'm eating Belgian Choccies everyday (a gift from the in-laws!) is certainly not helping the waistline!

It has been so long since I donated blood and I actually feel guilty about it...I must make my way to the blood bank very soon.

I hate my cellphone...I cannot wait to upgrade next month. I currently have a Samsung (it was called 'the lipstick phone')--- it is annoying; too small, battery life is crap, camera is only 1.3MP...the only nice thing is the MP3 player...
Any ideas on which phone I should get? I'm technologically challenged :-)

Ok, and that be it (for now!)

Thanks

2009-03-10T10:28:00.000+02:00

Jazakallah for everyones well wishes and duaas...
The hubby *might* be starting a job soon soon :-)

Random news & thoughts

2009-03-05T10:36:00.000+02:00

Some bad tidings has befallen us...the hubby was on training at a company. He went through all the tests over a course of 6 weeks. On Tuesday was his final test...and he didn't make it. So, now back to the drawing board...sending cv's, going on interviews, doing the assessments for 3hours at employment agencies...
Please just make duaa that something, anything comes through for him. And if any of you think you might be able to assist or know of anyone who might, please please do let me know.

I just got off the phone now with my MIL and we were making plans for the weekend...Hubbys' aunt and cousin from Cape Town came for the wedding and they just want to take them out a bit to see Jo'burg before they leave on Monday. The itinery is as follows: Monte Casino tomorrow evening, Jhb Zoo/Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens on Saturday (we will probably miss this as my Granny is leaving for Port Elizabeth on Saturday afternoon) and Gold Reef City on Sunday. Speaking of Gold Reef City, can you believe how expensive the entrance fee is?!!! R120! I have not been there in a good couple of years, so I hope it's worth it.

We opened our gifts on Monday afternoon and received some lovely ones, among them, +/- 15 sets of towels! I have started writing out Thank you notes on Tuesday evening and am still not done...hopefully will be done by tonight. We thought about just sending smses, but thats so impersonal...no-one these days actually take the time to 'write' out a note, so I decided to do just that.

Yesterday, one of my co-workers came to chat about the wedding and stuff and asked to see the Medhi on my hands. It is already pretty faded, so she said it's not a good sign as the older Indian people say that it means that your MIL will not like you. I'm not concerned as I know my MIL adores me :-)

MIL is taking this quite hard...she really misses her son as he was her right hand. He helped her to clean the house, do the washing and the cooking (aren't I so lucky!?). She feels very lonely without him at home. He told me that eveytime he goes to see her, she is so happy to see him and does not want him to leave too soon. It's weird coz they always were at loggerheads in the past. I guess a mother will always be a mother...especially when it really matters.

I want a McDonalds Chocolate Sundae...

Stepping into my new role

2009-03-04T14:44:00.001+02:00

Thank you to all of you that left such lovely messages on my previous post...it is muchly appreciated :-)

So, this new role still seems so surreal to me. When hubby calls me 'my wife', it still feels strange and I still can't quite say 'my husband' without stammering just a tad. However, that is just the tip of the Iceberg...there are quite a few adjustments we both had to make, but, like I said, it's a learning experience and huge step in our lives.

The wedding was absolutely lovely...simple yet beautiful. There was a sudden downpour just as I arrived to do my hair and make-up, but shukar; at least it stopped before I had to go home to dress.
My Mum was very emotional and began to cry when she saw me dressed...I half shouted at her coz I didn't want to cry and mess up my make-up!

Everything was perfect and everyone enjoyed the evening. The hubby and I did something quite unique...we walked around to the guests to give them the wedding favours---people loved that! All in all, a good time was had by all...

I will post pictures as soon as I get the DVD from my cousin.

On the threshold of a new adventure...

2009-02-24T09:06:00.000+02:00

What an incredibly strange feeling...I'm happy, excited, sad, nervous, worried---all at the same time!

On Sunday, I was mostly stressed and sad; due to the fiance having a bit of an emotional breakdown on Saturday evening. The gist of it was that even though he can't wait for us to get married, he's sad to leave his parents in the place where they live (it's not a very safe and pleasant place). Then, things were said that rubbed both of us the wrong way and we ended up pissed off at each other.
Although we were civil over the phone on Sunday, we both knew that damage control had to be done---things could not be left hanging in the air. We agreed to meet and talk things through. So, over some Chicken Licken Hot Wings and Chips, we smoothed things over.

It still has not fully hit me that in a few days time, I'm going to be someones' wife. I'm going to share my personal space with someone else; wake up next to someone; be a friend, confidant, loved-one all in one. I know this new role will be a huge challenge; but I'm ready and welcome every aspect of it.
It also kinda unnerves me about being a part of a whole new family. He's got three brothers and an elder sister as well as a sister-in-law (who is the greatest!) and two nephews and a niece. I'm pretty excited about this as I only have a younger sister...I never had brothers or an elder sister...now I will have three and two respectively! I don't know what I'm supposed to call my MIL & FIL and when will be the appropriate time to start calling them that...

I was only supposed to take leave from Thursday - Tuesday, but since I'm so terribly efficient, I have finished my work and can now take an extra days leave. So, today is my last day at work until next Wednesday.

Please keep me in your Duaas. Only duaas will help me keep my sanity during these few days :-)

Take Care!

News, thoughts, advice and all things in-between

2009-02-18T10:21:00.000+02:00

Today, 10 days before my wedding, I learn that my best friend has been unhappy for the past two years in her marriage. She has had enough and has decided to move back home with her Mum (together with her 3month old baby girl).
From what I gather, she is much better off without the creep.
He has cheated on her numerous times, put her down to the extent that she thinks so low of herself, he lies (and gets his Mum to cover his tracks) and threatens her family.

Tell me, what is it with Muslim guys recently? Seems like they want to be perpetual bachelors...even when they are married.
If you know you are a playa, a party animal and/or an arrogant ass, why decide to get married? If the girl is pushing to get married...you say to her that you are not ready to settle down. Sure, it'll hurt, but not as much as when you are married for a couple of years and have a little baby and then you decide, hey; this is not for me.

And this is not an isolated incident...I have heard so many stories about marriages breaking up --- "He/She's been chatting to another girl/guy on Mxit", "He/She goes out with his friends and comes back home at 3am", "He/She lies about where he/she is"...

When my friend spoke to me this morning, she apologised for telling me this and bringing me down so close to my wedding, but I told her very honestly; that my marriage is my own to look after and work at and I should not and will not base my marriage on other peoples...it's what we make of our own marriage.

A few weeks ago, an Uncle from the butcher in Pick n' Pay learnt that we were getting married from chatting to the fiance; so he gave us a very good 'bayaan', right there in the middle of Pick n' Pay. He said that we must safeguard ourselves from Shaytaans' interference because if Shaytaan comes between a husband and a wife, he is most happy, because it does not only affect one person...it affects two entire families. So he stressed that we must just keep the Almighty in our hearts at all times...

So, the picnic with the girls on Sunday was great! The place was a bit far, but when we got there, we decided that the long drive was worth it. It was so peaceful and very beautiful. We ate, we drank and we played scrabble under the shade of the trees.
I now have to be careful to stay out of the sun for the next few days, as I got sunburnt pretty badly...

My Mum has this 10 day rule...She went through it, as did my Aunts and very recently, my sister.
Fiance and I are not allowed to see each other 10 days before the wedding, so last night was the last time we saw each other. He is really unhappy about the rule, but I assured him that the time will go quickly and before we know it, it will be the
28th. He's still sulking...

I'm going to see the catering lady and another person for vases tonight...wedding things do not come to an end...

Ranting & Raving

2009-02-12T11:43:00.000+02:00

I say to anyone that enquires - “I’m not stressed”…this weekend has convinced me that I’m lying. On Saturday, while looking for something at Pick n’ Pay in the fridges, I managed to pull my shoulder muscle and spent the entire day on Sunday moving like Robocop. To top it all off, it seems like I might be coming down with something…I have been coughing since Saturday evening. My usually healthy, strong immune system is shutting down and that only happens when I stress too much.
Also, everything that the fiancé does seems to be annoying me…
I’m not a very pleasant person to be around these days.

On Saturday morning, I went for my hair and make-up trail---which turned out really nice. It’s such a blessing that the same person will be doing my hair and make-up and since she is just staring out, her prices are pretty reasonable too.
My Mum and Aunt really helped a lot on Saturday. They went to Multiflora to sort out the flowers for the centerpieces and to Trade-Centre to get some sweets for the tables. I will say it again…I’m a very lucky girl!

This Sunday, I’ve got a picnic with the girls and next Saturday, it’s my bridal shower. I still have to make time for two facials, waxing, a visit to the dentist and optometrist as well as go see the caterer to finalise the menu. All this plus I have to eat, sleep, gym, work and breath!

Everything just seems to be happening so fast and the days are passing me by like one big blur. There are days when I think to myself: ‘Please stop the earth. I want to get off!” Fiancé and I seem to be living pass each other. We do see other more often now than ever before, but it’s like we don’t get to spend quality time with each other…everything is so rushed. The last time we went out for dinner was for his birthday (which was more than a month ago!). We spoke today and I told him that there seems to be such ‘distance’ between us…I know it’s nothing to be concerned about, but it’s pretty unnerving at times.

I’m stress-eating (or at times, my appetite is gone), my skin is just awful and I swear I’m hearing things at night. I think relaxing with my two best friends next Sunday is just what I need or else I will go crazy before the 28th!

Oh gosh…and don’t get me started on my Mum! Check out Killas’ post on ‘Theory of Wedding invites’ to get a vague idea of what I’m dealing with. On Monday, she went to invite two families. The first one, my Dads’ cousin, his wife and their son…it just so happens that their married daughter and her husband (who are not invited coz hey; we are just not that close). The second one is a good friend of my Mums’…just so happens that her brother and his wife are also there! So now my Mum says we HAVE to invite the surplus guests because they were there when the invites were given out.

You know, when inviting people, you only get two types of people…those where a phone-call/e-mail will suffice and those that insist you must come to their house and sit and make panchaat for hours on end to bring the invite. Now of course, out of respect, the elders in the family get the latter…but when an ungrateful, immature idiot doesn’t want to come because his invite was given to someone else to give to him, then that pisses me the fuck off!
I didn’t want to invite the idiot in question. I only did it out of obligation because he is my Dads’ brother. I did my duty as a niece by informing him. His second wife (who is two years younger than me) is a bitch of note and will not think twice about being rude to my parents as she has done this before. My parents do not deserve that.
He has always been the black-sheep of the family and the only sibling that stood by him was my Dad. He even stayed with us for a few years while he was in primary school (he’s only two years elder than me) and my parents took him as their own son. When he had financial and marriage problems, WE were there for him unconditionally. When it was his weekend with his kids and he needed to do work or felt like going out, I always volunteered to look after his 3 daughters (from the 1st wife). I remember he was in a very dark place at one time and I was the only person whom he wanted to talk to.
He has fucked my parents over royally and in my opinion, does not deserve the time of day. He knows what he did, so how does he expect us to go to his house and be all OK with how he kicked my parents on the ass?
Hell no! That shit doesn’t fly with me! My Dad is very soft and will not say anything, but my Mum will give them their just desserts (guess that’s where I get my feistiness from!). And does she have it in for them!

Ok…rant over.

I saw a Doctor this morning to ask her about my persistent cough. I have tried two different cough mixtures and a honey/cinnamon concoction (my mums’ advice of course) and nothing seems to help. At least I know it’s not pneumonia or bronchitis, but I do have to get an Asthma pump to alleviate it. Seems I have managed to develop something called ‘stress asthma’. The doctor said it should sort itself out in the next 4-6 weeks. I do not have 4-6 weeks to spare! My wedding is 2 weeks away!

Guess as it gets closer to the wedding, I'm getting more and more stressed out.

I pray to the Almighty to give me sabr over the next few days...

The perpetual war between Man Utd & Liverpool Fans

2009-02-05T11:13:00.000+02:00

Growing up, I always remember my Dad and Uncles supporting the very well known Manchester United. As I got older, I began asking questions and began learning about the best football team in the world (in my opinion!). When my younger sister and I were younger, my uncle bought us kits and sent a photo of us wearing them; which was published in the official Man Utd magazine!
In High-School, I prefered the company of boys...one of the reasons being that I could speak to them about football and they would actually engage me - not only comment on how good-looking they all were!
Although I must admit, I had the hugest crush on Ryan Giggs (I'm a red-blooded woman for goodness sake!), but at least he was (and still is) a great football player and not just a good looking boy.

While I was in high school, the friends I made were not always Man Utd fans...now and then, I would encounter some idiots (Liverpool Fans) and I remember how us Man Utd fans would absolutly bash their team to pulp with all our insults. After an encounter with yours truly, no Liverpool fan would dare cross me.
Whenever I brought a guy home (friend or otherwise), I would first ask him who he supports in football. If it's Man Utd, then I tell him it's OK to speak football, if it's Liverpool, I just tell them to tread carefully when chatting about football to my Dad. I always said that I will never be able to marry a man that supports Liverpool. As luck would have it, hubby-to-be is indeed a Liverpool fan!

Now my Dad is an absolute Die Hard fan. He denies it all the time, but he so is. As I got older, I didn't have much time to follow the Premiership league and watch each and every Man Utd game, but I know my Dad will have all the latest news on them so I do still know what is going on.
Just this morning, he was telling me how terribly Liverpool is doing...initially, they were 10 points ahead of Man Utd and now they are 2 points behind!
Dad and his elder brother are just revelling in all the e-mails that are doing the rounds because of Liverpools' poor performance. You should hear them discussing and laughing at the mails...it's too funny! Like little kids!

Over the years, one would swear that Man Utd and Liverpool were the only two teams worth supporting in England. Only recently have Chelsea and Arsenal fans come out of the woodwork...and if theres anyone worse than a Liverpool fan, it's an Arsenal fan! Maybe its all just a coincidence, but all the Assholes I have met seem to be Arsenal supporters.

Having said that, I think the war between Man Utd & Liverpool will be a very long-standing one. My kids Grandkids will still be arguing which is the better team!

So, tell me, who Do YOU support? :-)

Pyaar ke Shaadi

2009-02-03T13:15:00.000+02:00

Of late; I have been watching quite a few 'wedding' movies...(pointed out by the hubby-to-be)
- Bride Wars
- 27 Dresses
- My best Friends' wedding
- Runaway Bride
- Father of the bride

Why am I doing this? Purely to get some inspiration for last-minute little things. Alas, nothing jumps out at me (except maybe the Vera Wang dress which Kate Hudsons' character wears in 'Bride Wars'!)

Gosh, 25 days and counting...I cannot believe how quickly the days are going.

On Saturday, I have my hair and make-up trial and on next Sunday, my two best friends are taking me out for a picnic to the Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens (just hope that the weather plays along). My sister is also planning a bridal shower sometime in the next few weeks.
My Mums' cousin-in-law very graciously offered to get the wedding cake for me and my Dads' Aunt is a florist and offered to make my bouquet.

I will be posting pics of my dress and a few other things within the next few days (as soon as I download everything!)

Now, onto other things...

Tell me, what are your views on the whole '2nd wife' thing?
I for one, would never agree to it. Sure, I know it's acceptable Islamically, but I don't think I would ever want to share my husband.

In the past few years, I had to advise two lovely ladies about becoming a second wife as they were both non-muslim. They both were the mistresses of two very successful, wealthy and well-respected Muslim men. They were both very willing to revert to Islam, but they were less open to the idea of becoming a '2nd wife'. After I advised them and after they had done thier own research and such, they both came to the conclusion that the only reason they wanted to make Nikkah with them, was to 'legalise' their affairs.
I guess these men thought that these ladies were ignorant and will just have blind faith in what they told them...

I do not know when was the last time I heard about someone who willingliy became a 2nd wife...does this actually still happen? I only know of instances when naive, unsuspecting local ladies marry someone, only to find out he has a whole other life and family in India or Pakistan or Egypt or Morocco...
Besides, whatever happened to having a 'soulmate'?
I believe this was practiced during the Sahabas' times because of circumstances, ie; husbands went off to fight in the various battles and in the event they were killed, their wives could not be left alone. This is why men were allowed more than one wife. For convenience sake. After all, you couldn't have four unmarried women living in sin together with one man? Am I right?
This is probably not the truth, but it's my thought on this subject.
If anyone does indeed know the proper story, please do pass it on to me.

I could go on forever about how much I disagree with this, but I will spare you all.

More weddingy things

2009-01-26T13:35:00.001+02:00

I have been touched by a complete stranger...an 18 year old girl that tried to end her own life---ever since I found out the nitty-gritty details surrounding her suicide attempt, I have been trying my utmost best to be a good friend and role-model to her. Sure, she has her own friends, Mum and sisters as well as a very competent Psychiatrist, but I do think someone impartial will do her a world of good. I make so much of duaa for her and hope the Almighty guide her to have faith of a better life Insha-allah...

Although I do think people who end their own lives are selfish and cowardly, I can't help but wonder what goes through their minds? How desperate must someone be to take Imaan into their own hands?

When I was in Grade 10, a classmate of mine hung herself with her school-tie because she missed home and her parents were going through a divorce...
In Grade 11, our Science teachers' husband shot himself because he lost his job...
A few years back, I heard about a Hindu girl that hung herself because she was in love with a Muslim guy and her parents didn't approve of her converting to marry this guy...
Recently, I read about a young Muslim boy from Roshnee (I think) who shot himself after having a huge fight with his girlfriend...

Now tell me...are these really problems that needed such drastic measures? After all, the Almighty would never burden us with problems if there was no solution to them. Our lives are not ours to take away ourselves...

Ok...that was pretty depressing...I digress...

So, there are now 32 days left before I become a Mrs.!!!
I cannot describe how I am feeling. It's a weird mix of emotions... excitement, nervousness, worry, joy, contentment...
I'm glad to say that almost everything has been finalised:-
* My dress is finished...my Aunt is just beading it now.
* The catering has been booked
* Most invitations have been given out
* Centre pieces and bouquet have been decided upon (just hope I manage to get the flowers I want as it's two weeks after Valentines Day!)
* My Aunt has offered to organise the wedding-cake for me.
* My sister has ordered the favours (chocolate!)
* My cousin was kind enough to offer to take the photographs (she has done weddings and she just bought a 12.5 MP Canon camera!)
* Our bedroom is taking shape nicely...just need to put up the bedroom suit and the handles on the cpboards.
* Unfortunately, we will not be able to go away on Honeymoon as the fiance started a new job today and his training will run for 6 weeks (It'll only end the week after our wedding.)
* My granny is, as usual, trying to run (and ruin!) my wedding. I just make Duaa for plenty of Sabr and strength when dealing with her...

I still cannot belive that I have come out of planning this wedding alive! I never thought I would manage to do it as I am such a procrastinator and a person who hates making decisions! But I didn't do it alone...my Mum, my sister and my Aunt were with me every step of the way. I would never have managed without them...I'm a very lucky girl :-)

More Randomness

2009-01-15T14:34:00.000+02:00

Gosh, where has the time went?!!! It's already halfway through the new month of a new year!
So, what have you all been up to? With me, it's just been weddingy things non-stop...
The hall and caterer has been booked and confirmed, my dress is being sewn, renovations to our room are almost done, invitations are ready to be sent out...44 days left!

Today, I have just been having to put out fires all over---I'm glad to say that I have come out of it unscathed (well, maybe just a bit emotionally scarred...but I'll live).
You learn something new everyday...weather it be the real truth about someone, how powerless you really are as an employee, that money is important, that everyone reaches a breaking point sooner or later no matter how much the cause they are fighting for means to them, that NOTHING ever runs smoothly-there is always someone or something wanting to throw a spanner in the works, the smile of a child just somehow softens your heart and touches your soul, that help can come from the most unsuspecting sources...and all this I have learnt in just one day...

Four years ago today, The Cullinary Queen was almost a goner. My Mum, sister and myself were on our way to Eastgate when we had a terrible accident...the brakes failed and the car swerved into a steel barrier and subsequently landed on it's roof. Shukar to the Almighty, we all only sustained minor injuries---we all had whiplash, I hurt my shin pretty badly (I still have the scar), sister had some glass lodged in her forearm (she also still has this scar) and Mum had a purple bruise mark from the seatbelt.
I used to be such an emotional, negative person before the accident, but since then, I have learnt to be strong and cherish and really LIVE my life. I no longer take anything for granted and live every day as if it's my last. The accident might have taken my first car away, but in the long-run, it has helped me become a better and happier person.

Anyone have any tips on how I can sleep better in the evenings? I have had to start using an eye-cream to get rid of these dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I don't know if it's the heat or my annoying cat or that I'm not sleeping in my own bed or that I'm anxious and excited...perhaps a combination of all of the above. In the past 2 weeks, I have only had a total of one nights proper 8-hour sleep...Only Allah knows how I am functioning...

Time for some more coffee methinks...

Recipe : Beef Lasagna

2008-12-22T14:43:00.000+02:00

One day, I was looking for something I haven’t yet tried whipping up in the kitchen. I came across a couple or recipes for Lasagna online, so I decided to improvise and make some for supper. Although it was edible, it wasn’t great and the next time I made it, it came out much better! Fiancé likes it so much; he won’t even eat it at a restaurant-he will only have it if I make it..

I look at a lasagna as an Italian version of biryani; as you also pre-cook your ingredients, layer them and let all the ingredients meld together preferably overnight.

INGREDIENTS:
2 tins peeled tomatoes (Italian variation with oregano & garlic)
Oil
2-3 onions chopped
2 tsps crushed garlic
1 kg lean beef mince (washed & drained thoroughly)
Salt & Pepper to taste
1 box lasagna pasta sheets
Ricotta Cheese
Cheddar Cheese
Mozzarella Cheese
Flour
Butter
Milk
1 whole clove of garlic

METHOD:
Bolognaise Sauce –
• Chop onions and sauté in some oil (olive oil or sunflower oil).
• Once soft and translucent, add the crushed garlic and sauté for a few minutes (not too long as the garlic will burn quickly)
• Add mince and brown.
• Liquidise the tinned tomatoes and add to pot.
• Add salt and pepper to taste (as well as some oregano if you like), lower heat and simmer slowly for about an hour-stirring it occasionally.
• Whilst this is happening, you can make your white sauce.

White Sauce –
• Brown some flour and butter in a pot.
• While the pot is on the stove, gradually add in milk and whisk (best to ask someone to assist you this!). You have to whisk continuously as the sauce must not catch.
• When the sauce is lump-free and cooked through, remove from heat.
• Blend Ricotta Cheese with the peeled clove of garlic and a small amount of milk (just enough to blend everything together) in blender.
• Add the ricotta/garlic/milk sauce to the white sauce and return to stove just to warm through. Add salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.

ASSEMBLING –
* Use a large, deep square or rectangular oven proof dish with a lid (if possible; if not, you can use foil to cover during baking).
* Cover the bottom with a thin layer of white sauce.
* Put a layer of pasta sheets over this.
* Next, the bolognaise sauce.
* Then the white sauce.
* Cut mozzarella thinly (I use a potato peeler for this) and put over the white sauce.
* Do another layer starting with pasta sheets, bolognaise sauce (make sure to keep some for the top), white sauce, mozzarella and pasta sheets.
* Pour remaining bolognaise sauce over the last layer of pasta sheets (this is so that the top layer is also cooked)
* Sprinkle a generous amount of cheddar & mozzarella cheese over the top.
* Once cooled, store in the fridge or freezer (depending on how soon you want to eat it).

BAKING –
• Ideally, lasagna should only be baked and eaten after letting it stand overnight.
• Set oven to 180’C.
• Bake covered for 45 minutes.
• If you want the cheese on top a bit crispy, grill uncovered for a further 3-5mins.
• Cut into squares as soon as you remove it from the oven.
• Serve with a green salad on the side.

Random rant

2008-12-19T09:08:00.000+02:00

On Wednesday evening, I went to visit my old belly dance teacher and she made me join in with some of the choreographed dances and to my surprise, I actually remembered how to dance! Now, I’m not one to blow smoke up my own ass, but I was pretty good in my belly dance class…in fact, I was one of the top students! I was even considered to go all the way and become a teacher. But alas, getting engaged put a halt to shimmy dreams…when the boyfriend became the fiancé, he suddenly became pretty possessive. That, together with the fact that my Dad never approved of my belly-dancing, became too much for me to bear so I just decided to rather give it up…
But on wednesday night, hearing the familiar jingling of the shimmy belt, feeling the unsurpassed energy that radiates when I belly-dance and really and truly enjoying myself made me yearn to be part of all of that again…I really do miss it very much indeed.
You see, I very rarely see things through; I loose interest in something very quickly. I began a degree via UNISA and only finished three semesters as I got bored. However, I did do a 12 month course which I did complete. Other than that, I have done three separate massage courses (massage therapy, indian head massage and hot-stone therapy massage). I have a very wide range of interests so I tend to want to do a bit of everything.
With belly dancing, I found something not only I enjoyed doing, but something I was really great at and it kept me supple, flexible and toned. I have tried doing it on my own…it’s just not the same…

I digress.

So, 2009 is almost upon us. Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like 2008 has been a really crap year? The only good thing that has happened to me is that I got engaged…other than that, it’s been a mountain or crap to deal with---both personally and professionally. I for one cannot wait to start the new year…even more so as my parents 30th wedding anniversary is on the 31st of December and the fiancés’ birthday is on the 1st of January. Here’s hoping 2009 will be awesome…

The camping weekend went off pretty well…just that now the aftereffects are showing---my Mum caught a nasty cold, the fiancé has an ear infection (and has been booked off from work) and I’m still trying to catch up on sleep (I slept on a blow-up mattress which had a slow puncture…not good!). We braaied, made ‘potjie-kos’, swam, went go-karting, played mini-golf (I rocked this, by the way!) and relaxed (and sunburnt!) in the Limpopo heat. We even bumped into my Dads’ cousin and her two sons so we were an even bigger group hanging out together. All in all, a good time was had by all.

I have finally made a decision on the Wedding venue as well as the date! I also decided what hairstyle I want and the type of tiara I would like to wear if I can get it. So that’s a few more things crossed off my ‘to do’ list…Things are coming together slowly but surely. I have a couple of days off (from the 24th – 5th ) so I’m sure I can sort plenty of things out during that time.

Yesterday, I went to the optician to get new glasses made as I’m bored with my current pair. My eye-site is really bad. I began wearing glasses when I was 5years old. I have terrible astigmatism and unfortunately, laser eye surgery is not an option. The only other option is to get them hard contact lenses which are not comfortable at all. So, I’m stuck with wearing specs forever. Thankfully, your get really trendy designs so it’s not such a curse anymore!
Although on my wedding day, I don’t want to wear my glasses, but that of course will mean that I won’t be able to see a thing and will have to squint all the time!

And that’s the end of my random rant…for today.

Thank you...

2008-12-12T11:07:00.000+02:00

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful gift suggestions! You guys are the bestest on-line friends a girl could ever have!

So, after numerous e-mails and changing reservations, we are off to Warmbaths for the weekend. Since it is a long weekend and school holidays, we were lucky to get bookings. My Mum loves camping and have been wanting to take my two cousins for a long time, so we finally got it together and we are leaving after Jumma today. Hopefully all will go well and most importantly, it does not rain too much!

Make duaa please...

Some help needed please

2008-12-10T11:06:00.000+02:00

Eid Mubarak to those who celebrated Eid...
I'm only returning to work today after a few days at home. Wish I could say it was for relaxation, but I was busy since Saturday morning up until yesterday late afternoon.
Over the weekend, my Mum and I were busy preparing for Eid (baking, cooking, etc) and I managed to go shopping on Saturday as well.
Monday was Eid and we had a huge crowd for Lunch. Then after washing and cleaning up after lunch, the fiance picked me up to visit the future in-laws.
Yesterday the fiance had the day off, so we decided to go linen shopping...turned out to be quite fruitful...and our bedroom suite got delivered yesterday too---it's still in boxes so it doesn't look like much right now :-)
Surprisingly, I had a very good sleep and feel all bright-eyed and bushy tailed today...

I need some help on gift ideas for two special occasions. Bear in mind that I am a bit strapped for cash, so I will need to get something great, yet affordable (if anything of this nature does actually exist!)
I'm totally clueless for both! Please help!

Like punching a wall...

2008-12-05T09:09:00.000+02:00

I will be very happy if I never have to ever lay my eyes on you again. You have destroyed her life and made her a shell of the person she once was. She is unhappy and unhealthy… I do not use the word hate very often, but what I feel for you is so much more than hate---it’s contempt, anger, disappointment and hurt.

How could you promise that you will look after her, treasure her and try to make her happy, then do absolutely nothing right? She was your world…you depended on her for everything and anything in life---no one else mattered.
There was not even a whisper about spending time with friends, yet now you take every opportunity to be with them, instead of spending time with your wife.

You made her sacrifice so much of herself and yet you turn around and do things that make everyone loose trust in you…the hours spent on mxit with another girl, the smses and phone calls to this girl, the dagga smoking, the disrespect and belittling of her---If I had it my way, I would take her away and make sure you can never hurt her again.

She was once a happy, carefree, bubbly person and you took all of that away from her. In the past three years that you have been in her life, she has been sick every few weeks because of the stress you put on her. She does not deserve this in her life. She could have chosen someone who would have treated her the way she deserves to be treated, but Allah only knows why she chose you…
You are a sad excuse for a man, nay; a human being.

I’m not at all pleased that she has given you a chance to redeem yourself…but I promised her that I will respect and support whatever decision she makes. I don’t have to like or agree with it, but I can be there for her no matter where her destiny leads her to…with or without you.

You have been given a chance to get back on track, make amends for your abysmal deeds and therefore to save your marriage…screw this up and I will personally castrate you!

Weddingy Things...

2008-11-28T14:09:00.000+02:00

I’m sitting at my desk drinking copious amounts of tea and coffee in the hope of making it through this day without falling asleep, drooling on my keyboard…I’m exhausted today. Shukar it’s Friday! This week has been way too long…

So, on Tuesday night was the ‘obligatory’ wedding meeting with the in-laws---it went relatively well methinks. Now that that is out of the way, I can really and truly start planning and finalizing things.

Stuff that I have done so far:
• Purchased my wedding dress fabric and decided on a design
• Chosen my colours
• Drawn up a guest list
• Decided on a design for the invitations and drafted out the invite wording

Stuff that still needs to be done:
• Choose an exact date (we still deciding between 3 Saturdays!)
• Choose a venue (it’s between 2---just need to have a look at them)
• My measurements for my dress need to be taken (this is not so bad as my Mum is making my dress! Lucky me!) Trying to postpone it to as late as possible so that I can loose enough weight…
• Have to decide on a cook (this is proving to be very stressful…not sure if I’m getting ripped off or not!)
• Choose appropriate favours (thinking about homemade chocolates-not sure though…)
• Trying to find a tiara at a good price (If I don’t find one, I will use fresh flowers in my hair)
• Find a hairstyle

Since we will be staying with my parents, the fiancé wants to make-over the bedroom we will occupy---which just so happens to be my current bedroom. He wants to re-paint the walls and ceiling, replace the skirting boards and replace the doors and shelves of the built-in cupboards. So, I have to slowly start moving my things into a guest room…
I’m procrastinating…besides being a cullinary queen, I’m the queen of procrastination as well…

There has been some major drama going on in my family over the past few days, so I think that the majority of the weekend shall be spent in trying to normalize things. Insha-allah…everything works out for the best.

All the Assholes I've known before...

2008-11-19T13:57:00.000+02:00

The recent 3 part series of Azra (sorry dear, I don't know how to link stuff!), has somewhat inspired me to write this post. That and the fact that I am going to be a married woman very soon...
So, this serves as a means of purging my mind and heart of all the assholes I have had the misfortune of encountering in my lifetime.

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

*Yacoob: We actually dated twice. The first time was in Standard 9. We were in the same class and we were good friends. I always knew he had a thing for me, but he was careful not to act on it as firstly, he was doing his Hifz, and secondly, I had a boyfriend (whom, for the record, was one of the sweetest, most non-assholic guys I know!).
Then I broke up with my boyfriend and who was there to console me? Yup, none other than Yacoob. We began dating and everyone thought we would end up getting married.
The first time, I used to do all the work in the relationship, so eventually I got too tired and we broke up – only to get back together after about a year. Second time around, he was totally gaga over me. Pursuing me for a few months by calling and visiting me all the time (again, after a relationship ended – see *Shuaib). Eventually I gave in and we were really happy (and pretty serious about each other). He even told me that he was going to talk to his parents and we would get married within a matter of months. Then, since the day he finished his Hifz and I attended his Jalsa with my best friend, he was acting strange. I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him to tell me what he wants. His words left a huge scar on my heart.
This is what he said to me :” I am a Hafez now. You are not good enough for me. I need someone better than you.” I have never spoken to him since then. I hate him with every ounce of my being and hope I never have the misfortune of ever meeting him again. He is now married…guess to found someone who was ‘good enough’ for him.

*Shuaib: We only went out for 2 months, but it was what you would call a ‘whirlwind’ romance. It was during the year apart from Yacoob. We were introduced at the Gym by a mutual friend. We spoke on the phone for a week and then started dating. I remember when he came to pick me up on our first date. I had only ever seen him in sweats and t-shirts, all sweaty and not looking very good. You can imagine my surprise when I saw him all dressed up and smelling soooo good (he was definitely a looker!). When I opened the door, I just stood there for a while – admiring him, drooling and unable to muster even a ‘hi’! Our relationship was perfect. After a week, he bought me a gift for our ‘anniversary’.
He spoke about us getting married and everything – I was on cloud nine! After a few weeks, he broke up with me…without an explanation. He even cried when he told me that it was over. I later found out that he was cheating on me with not one or two other girls, but three! I’m glad to see that he has changed – he is now married and has a baby son. He is the reason why I will never agree to date a ‘pretty boy’…he ends up being everyone else’s, when he should just be yours.

*Zaahid: His best friend and my best friend decided to set us up. Our first ‘date’ was a blind-date. The four of us went for supper. At first, he and I didn’t click- I was talking more to his best-friend than I was to him. After supper, we all went for a walk and somehow, my friend and his best-friend managed to sneak away…leaving him and me alone to become better acquainted. We walked around- chatting and getting to know each other better, but I still was not sure about him. He sent me a text message the next day to ask if he it was OK to call me sometime. I told him that it would be fine.
He called me only about two days afterward and we spoke on my cell phone for about 2 hours! My ear was hot and I had a headache after we were done. He came to visit me the next day with his friend. We spoke on the phone for another few days, but didn’t see each other, as I was helping my cousin who was getting married.
Eventually, after the wedding – we agreed to go out on Sunday afternoon. He picked me up and we went to the Botanical Gardens – we sat on the grass, chatting, laughing and relaxing- and then it dawned upon me – he’s an amazing person and he is everything I never knew I wanted in someone.
After that, we were together on most weekends – going to movies, supper and just hanging out with each other. We found out that we had so much in common that is was actually scary!
On our one month anniversary, we went out for supper and he bought me a silver watch – I was so delighted, but I felt so awful, as I hadn’t gotten him anything. He said that it was OK and there would be plenty of Anniversaries for me to get him something…which of course – never happened.
A week before our two month Anniversary - we had a huge fight (our first) and he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He said that his feelings for me just ‘changed’- saying that I was crowding him. I was totally shattered after that. I couldn’t stop crying for months. We saw each other a few times after that, merely because he was lonely, but he kept lying to me by saying that there was still a chance for us, so, being the love-struck puppy I was – I believed him and gave into him. I know only now that it was my stupidity and naivety that inevitably hurt me time and time again. I realized this and decided to cut-off all ties with him. It took me 4 years to get over him.

*Yaaseen: This guy was a piece of work! And no, not in a good way. My Uncle gave him my number and we spoke for about three days before agreeing to go out. He seemed so nice and humble over the phone – we really hit it off well. But, when we met, disaster struck. Suddenly he was a completely different person - bragging about his BMW; telling me how his napa-leather seats were custom made and how much it cost. He didn’t even open the car door me! We went to this really expensive Café where the prices were way too exuberant – I was too afraid to even go to the loo, for fear of needing to pay for it! He didn’t open the door for me or pull my seat out! I don’t be expected to be treated like a princess, but surely chivalry is not completely dead? He also could not stop talking about his ex girlfriend. I think he knew that I was not impressed with him, so he never even bothered to ask me out again.

*Zayd: He got my number from a mutual friend and we soon became very good friends. I only found out after he got married, that he was in love with me, but was too afraid to tell me. He visited me a few months after he got married and tried to make a move on me. Needless to say, I was not impressed, so I did what any normal girl would do – I punched him in the stomach.

*Ashraf: He was much younger than me and would not take no for an answer. He was creepy and would phone at strange hours to proclaim his love to me. He only stopped calling when I blocked his number from my phone…

The druggie (he doesn’t even deserve an alias!): Met him at gym and we hit it off totally. He told me about his past drug problem but said he was clean. Then he began asking me to borrow him money for his car, Mum, etc and me being the sucker gave it to him, Only to find out he was back on rocks AND that he had slept with his ex and made her pregnant while we were dating. My parents found out and it became a huge mess. During those months, I was a totally different person, I didn’t recognise myself. Thankfully I cut him loose and slowly but surely became the person I once was. I hear he is now married.

*Hussein: We both came out of turmoil-ridden relationships and as much as I ignored his advances, I decided to give him a chance. We got along really well, but there was just no chemistry. He broke up with me over the phone, not giving me a concrete reason and as much as I was kinda relived that it ended, the way he did it was unforgiveable…And he failed to mention that he was back with his ex. Last I heard, they had broken up and he has moved back to Cape Town, apparently smoking dagga daily…

*Zaheer: We work in the same building and became fast friends after I decided to pluck up the courage to talk to him. He was like my best friend. Always there for me through tough times. There was this palpable chemistry between us but none of us acted on it. Yes we would flirt and stuff, but nothing ever happened…until one evening. He took me one of the nicest places I have ever been to and we just spent the evening talking and flirting, until the tension became too much and he planted one on my lips. From then on, the chemistry just grew… we would chat for hours via e-mail, spend lunch and tea-times together, meet up over the weekends… We weren’t an official couple, but if felt like we were. I kept on asking him what this was and he never gave me a straight answer and when he did, he always said his mother wouldn’t like me coz I wasn’t ‘full’ Indian. One Friday afternoon, he mentioned to me that he’s meeting an overseas ‘friend’. He had told me about her, but he always just referred to her as his ‘friend’. Guess what it really was? He went for proposal for this girl! And how did I find out? The girl is the cousin of my now brother-in-law, so when he came to visit my sister, he told me (they had met at my sisters’ 21st a few weeks before).
He felt no remorse about how he had hurt me. I always knew that the guys I dated had a problem with me being half Malay, but I never felt it as much as I did when this guy broke my heart.
I refused to speak to him for the months preceding his wedding…even though he desperately tried to selvedge the friendship and even begged me to attend his Walimah.. The day he got married, I picked up my good friend and we went to Mugg&Bean and stuffed ourselves with chocolate chip pancakes and milkshake.
Before he left for Hajj last year with wifey, he called and begged me to come see him in person as we needed to talk. We spoke for a very long time and we deduced that no matter what happened in the past, we must remain friends as he admitted that he does miss our friendship.
Things are (at best) civil between us. We e-mail each other regularly and greet when we happen to see each other. It’s better than most other ‘friendships’ I have with now-married guy ‘friends’.

My fiancé: Yes, when I met him, he was a dagga-smoking, drinking party animal. We weren’t serious about each other at first, but soon he realized (with my help, of course) that he needed to change his habits…and he most certainly did change for the better. It wasn’t easy and on more than one occasion, I wanted to dump him.
Just goes to prove…men are just like puppies, they can be trained :-)

Recipe : Beef Kebaabs

2008-11-12T12:40:00.000+02:00

I made these on Sunday for lunch. Although they weren't as spicy as I would like, they were tasty nonetheless. I served them with Tandoori Roti (bought from Copper Chimney), tomato chutney and salad.

INGREDIANTS:
1kg beef mince (washed thoroughly and drained)
1 slice of brown bread (grated)
1 tsp plain ginger garlic masala
1 tsp ginger garlic + red chilli mix
2 tsp dhania jeero mix
1 tsp fine red chilli powder
1 grated onion
2 tblspns lemon juice
Salt to taste
Chopped spring onion and dhania

METHOD:
Mix all ingredients together thoroughly.
Shape into kebaabs and place in oven proof tray / dish.
Sprinkle with ghee and lemon juice.
Bake until done (on 200 for about 30-40minutes).
Turn up the heat setting for the oven to grill to brown the kebaabs.
Alternatively, fry the already baked kebaabs in oil on the stove.

Money makes the world go round....

2008-11-10T15:11:00.000+02:00

The weather of late seems to be running parallel with my present state of emotions…

Although I am glad that fiancé did let me in on the proverbial ‘hump’ we (well, he mostly) are faced with, I’m upset because he has taken so long to come to this conclusion…I mean, we are 3 months away from our wedding and now he springs something on me that could very well push our wedding to later next year…

He keeps assuring me that we will get married as planned, but I very much doubt it. I’m hoping for the best, yet expecting the worst…

You see, when fiancé and I started seeing each other, about a month after, he was out of a job. He only got a ‘proper’ job this year June---he loves his job and is very good at it; however, it doesn’t pay very well AND he travels 140km (one way). Herein is the problem---almost ALL of his pay goes into petrol for his car. A lift club is not as option as he works shifts….

You know where I’m going with this, don’t ya?

Yes, it’s a financial problem…asking for help from his family is not an option because not only is his family not well-off, him, like me has worked for what we want…all we got from our parents was love, encouragement and good values…neither of us are spoilt brats who gets what they want from Daddy & Mummy…

I have been trying to drill it in his head that a Nikkah brings so much of barakat because each person comes with their own and the union of the Nikkah has so many blessings…

Poor boy has been losing sleep over this…and now, so am I…

Insha-allah, this too shall pass…please keep us in your duaas…

Friends & Friendship

2008-11-04T14:59:00.000+02:00

You know, I wish I would just get a revelation from somewhere, anywhere as to what people want from me. I’ve learnt that no matter what you do, people will never be satisfied. I’m a caring, unselfish, ‘always’ available friend to everyone…people have come to love me and know me that way.
Just when I decide that I should start to put myself first for a change, people snub me and call me a ‘heartless bitch, who thinks that she is better than everyone else’ (yes, someone has told me this!). I guess everyone just EXPECTS me to be the ‘doormat’. Always to put myself last, make sure that everyone else is OK (except myself), I never say a bad word about anyone (even if they have tons wrong with them), I’m always the one to pick up the phone or send an e-mail to say ‘howzit’ to friends. Even when people are wrong, I’m ALWAYS the one to apologise (I always seem to MAKE things be my fault, just so that people don’t dislike me)
Friendships require work from both sides…with most of my friendships; I seem to be putting 200% effort while the other party is putting in zero, zilch, nada… With most people in my life, I don’t think I will ever hear from them if I don’t keep in touch. I do realise that everyone has hectically busy lives, but it takes a few minutes to just drop someone a line-that’s all I ask…is that too much? Am I being unreasonable?

You see, the problem with me is; that I have been let down and hurt by people so many times, but, I never learn from that and I always seem to find myself in that situation over and over again. I’m way too trusting and forgiving with people…when someone messes up with me, all they have to do is say ‘sorry’ and all is forgotten…I never, ever hold grudges against anyone. This ‘flaw’ always seems to perpetuate a vicious cycle in my life…

But, enough is enough…I have decided to weed out the ‘friends’ from the friends…I’m going for a minimalist approach with regards to my friendship circle…less is more :-)

What has brought on this bout of anger you may ask…well it all boils down to one particular person who stomped on my heart until it was a mushy pulp… He was my best-friend for many years (or so I thought). When I started seeing the fiancé, he became more and more scarce. I didn’t question it as I thought we had a good bond and that things will be OK. A few days ago, I hear through the grapevine that he’s seeing someone and so I got in touch with him with a funny, sarcastic remark and he gets upset with me…I found it strange, as that’s how we were with each other---making funny and sarcastic remarks with each other was ‘our’ thing… I let it all marinate and decided to tell him how I feel the next day via e-mail…what followed was an intense bashing session directed at me which I thought was not only childish but uncalled for as well. In the end, he told me he was a better friend to me than I was to him; proceeding to ‘list’ EVERYTHING he did for me over the years, telling me I am treating him badly, that I didn’t invite him to a braai I had… saying he wasn’t welcome in my home anymore telling me I have ‘problems’...WTF? That’s when I decided to wash my hands of this friendship façade with him…I told him to have a nice life I cut off all ties with him…
Last I heard (only coz we have friends in common), is that he went to propose for the girl and they are getting hitched early next year…

However, having said all this; my ‘real’ friends mean the world to me-they are the ‘family’ we choose ourselves. And if I never am going to be rich, happy or fulfilled in my life, that’s fine-just as long as all, or at least some of my friends are and if I have to sacrifice whatever to help them get there, by all means – I most certainly will. No matter what they do or don’t do, I’ll always be there for them and do everything in my power to help them and if anyone ever says one bad word against them- GOD help you!

The dreaded "D"

2008-10-30T10:51:00.001+02:00

So, I very cleverly managed to pull a muscle...I now cannot move my head right, left, forwards and backwards...I have to lean back to drink water and coffee. Yes, these are the days of my life.
And this could not have happened at a more inappropriate time---my cousin is getting married on Saturday and since it is such short notice (they only decided about 3 weeks ago!), we are all scrambling to try and help her sort stuff out. There is still soooo much to do...I hope I will still be able to help :-(

Amidst some drama happening, there was some great news yesterday---My Dad does not need surgery! Shukar for that! All he needs to do is get into an exercise routine, take his meds and control his cholesterol, sugar & smoking. That is just a huge weight off the entire families' shoulders...

I digress.

I think that I am completely ready to get married...I can cook, I can look after kids, I'm older (and hopefully wiser!), I have read Kitaab-un-Nikkah, attended maritial lectures and can run a household...but is anyone ever truly ready to get married? What makes a person feel ready to take that plunge?
Even though I know that we (fiance & I) will do everything in our power to make things work always, I'm still terrified as hell of NOT making it work...
With the divorce rate being the way it is, who could blame me? Or anyone for that matter...

Back in 2007, I read this in the Jamiatul Ulama Newsletter:

~The Muslim community has seen a sharp rise in the divorce rate. More Muslim couples are considering divorce, more young couples have separated through divorce and more and more people grapple with the consequences of having issued divorce without considering the costs.

Bayaans by Ulama have not made a major impact on reducing the escalating situation. Short courses on marriage and divorce in various towns have had less than a majorly significant impact and the plethora of books or booklets on marriage and divorce sit collecting dust on the shelves in Muslim homes. Whatever the situation maybe, something needs to be done.

Is the solution buried deep in the mass of issues that evolve out of the evils of the current situation of moral degeneration and decay? Have the television, movies and even novels and magazines succeeded in instilling in us a way of life completely contrary to the teachings of our Dîn? Are they the basis of spreading the evils associated with an immoral lifestyle?

We need to return to the basics and find our solutions in the Qur`an and Sunnah.~

I do know that people do get divorced for concrete, real reasons; but I have also heard some stories where people get divorced for trivial, petty reasons. The Muslim community throws talak around way too casually...
In my opinion, people these days are too lazy and impatient to work through kinks and problems in life and so they take the easy way out... you are overweight; so you get liposuction, you're hungry; so you get a ready-made meal from Woolies, your marriage is not going as planned; eliminate your partner...

Gone are the days when you hear so and so are divorced and gasp...now its like part of life---seems like couples get married just to get divorced.
I have heard that if a couple gets through their first year of marriage, they can get through anything. I have found that in some cases, it's true.
I know of a couple who used to bicker quite a bit during their 1st year (I used to be the mediator) and after that, they worked through their shit and shukar today, 9 years later, they are blissfully married and proud parents to two little boys...
It's people like that that give me hope and promise for the success of my marriage Insha-allah.

I could go on and on about my views, opinions and experiences in this regard, but in order to avoid a long-winded post, I will stop just there.

I feel the need to complain

2008-10-22T16:16:00.000+02:00

On Thursday last week, my Dad had to go for an angiogram because he has problems with his legs…they found two blockages and the doctors will still have to decide what needs to be done.

Saturday afternoon, the fiancé was parked in our driveway when Mum noticed a puddle of water under his car. She called him because she thought his car was leaking, but it wasn’t---it was established that the water-pipes were leaking underground and pushing the water up. On Monday, the plumbers came out to fix the pipe, but of course, someone else has to now re-pave, so now our driveway is half dug-up and muddy…

After the plumbers left, we tried the hot water tap and the water was barely trickling out…another 5 odd calls and 5+hours later, the plumbers came back and had to replace the filter on the geyser as it was blocked with mud because of the excessive rain. Everything was fine…or so we thought…

Last night after I had supper; I was busy doing the dishes when we heard this loud knocking sound. After I realized that the knocking was coming from the roof and only happened when I open the hot water tap, I deduced that there is something wrong with the geyser. Not long after that, the roof began leaking and the water was like streaming down the wall. Dad, being the DIY man, decided he wants to go into the roof to investigate and to turn off the tap on the geyser. After another few calls to the plumbers, the eventually arrived at 11:00pm! By this time, there were four leaks already and Dad was fuming as the leaking began whilst the Man Utd vs Celtic game was on (well, at least his beloved ManU won!)… By 12:15 the plumbers were done (the overflow valve on the geyser just needed to be replaced)…hopefully it’s sorted now.

I’m having a really kak day and I’m exhausted…

Recipe: Peppermint Chocolate Cake

2008-10-17T12:19:00.000+02:00

This is legendary in my family! I always make it for functions and it really is flop-proof. Just be warned; do not over-bake as this could result in a dry texture. The chocolate I use for the topping is plain 'ol Dairy Milk...

Peppermint Chocolate Cake

Ingredients:
0.5 lb butter
3 Tblspn Oil
1.25 cups caster sugar
5 eggs
4 Tspns Baking powder
0.25 cups corn flour
2.5 cups cake flour
1.25 cups milk
0.5 tspn green food colouring
0.5 tspn peppermint essence
1 tblspn cocoa powder

Method:
Cream butter, oil and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add eggs one at a time to above mixture.
Sift together baking powder, flour and corn flour and add.
Add milk.
Divide mixture in half.
Add essence and colouring to one part and cocoa to other part.
Grease a tube pan.
Layer and then marble the two batters in the pan.
Bake for 45mins on 180 C.

Topping:
0.25 cups milk
200g plain chocolate
1 tblspn oil
2 bars peppermint crisp

Method:
Boil chocolate, oil and milk until thick.
Pour over cooled cake.
Grate peppermint crisp over cake.

Wedding...

2008-10-16T20:48:00.000+02:00

The fiancé and I have been seriously considering a wedding date for the past week or so. At first, we wanted it in December, but we thought logically and we have decided to issue each other with the “ball & chain” on the 7th of February Insha-allah.

I was dreading this day…no…not the ‘Marriage’, but the wedding…
I was once watching a movie…the name escapes me right now; but someone in that movie said ‘A wedding is for everyone else, but the marriage is between the two people.’
If the fiancé and I had it our way, we wouldn’t even have a wedding reception per se.
Besides the fact that neither of us are big on huge functions, our family just had quite a big wedding in July…my younger sister got married and it was pretty big…almost 300 guests. After that, I was even more against having a big wedding myself as it was way too stressful on everyone…
We had guests from PE, CT and Durban and of course WE were responsible for them. WE had to organize accommodation for them as our home is not that big, WE had to make arrangements for transport to and from the airport (as least some people made it easier on us by hiring a car) and of course, people were in and out of the house for a few days before the wedding so we had to make sure we had refreshments ready for them.
I already made it clear that I do not want more than 170 people at the wedding…and if people take offense to the fact that I didn’t invite them, then tough. No-one is sponsoring my wedding, I have to pay for everything myself, and so I will give what I can afford…people must just accept it and respect my decision.
I know this attitude will make me plenty of enemies and I know people will probably never speak to me again because of this, but I have never been one to worry about pleasing others.
Besides, I want to be at my wedding and see familiar faces…not my auntys’ cousins’ sisters’ grandmother whom I have never met before…

I’m not going to wait another year to save for a bigger wedding just because people expect to be invited to my wedding. That’s a whole year of us committing a major sin by ‘courting’. I’m not going to jeopardize fulfilling our Sunnah for the sake of ‘people’.

Concerning weddings; why is it that whatever you have (big or small, lavish or simple), there will always be someone who will bitch and moan about something or another? Can’t people just be happy and grateful for the invite? Wish the couple well and be on their way? Must they now say ‘the biryani is too spicy’ (while dishing up and eating their third helping)?
Oh yes, and hows about THAT aunty…you know, the one that has 17 ice-cream tupperwares in her car and goes to the kitchen to harass the cook to fill them up with left-over food? And 10-1 it’s the same aunty who complained about the food…

Now begins the endless tedious task of finding a venue and a cook…wish me luck!

Double standards

2008-10-14T12:12:00.001+02:00

Why is it that some of our Muslim guys prefer to spend their young, carefree, single days with fun, independent, spirited young ladies but come time to get hitched, they want a so-called ‘good girl’ or ‘haari poyree’ as Killa so eloquently put it in his latest post…

I have had quite a few good guy friends…friends I could say I was happy to depend upon…they were generally good guys…some of them even being Hafez-ul-Quraan.

One thing I would keep on scolding them about was how they use and then discard girls. Most of them would be with a different girl every weekend, doing things that even married people don’t do. It doesn’t matter to them weather they are Muslim or non Muslim…just as long as the girls were giving them what they want. Don’t they realise that this girl they are messing around with is someone’s daughter?
Most of these guys make empty promises and commitments they can’t or don’t want to fulfill…they just do it to get the girl into bed, screw her brains out then either come up with this obscure lie or completely disappear.
They do this over and over again, until they decide it’s time to settle down with a nice, homely, virginal girl. That is such a double standard…how can they demand such morals for their future wives, when they themselves have not maintained these values for themselves? Don’t these nice, homely, virginal girls also deserve decent Muslims guys?
Also, they have no concern for how they have ‘spoilt’ those other girls for their future husbands…

Come time to now ‘look’ for a wifey…they of course, leave that task to Mummy & Daddy and Naani & Naana and Gori Fooi & Gora Motha…

I’m not generalizing here, I’m just talking from what I have experienced.
All my Muslim guy friends are now married to girls who have had a good Muslim upbringing and yes, they are from so-called ‘farm-areas’ like Zeerust, Piet Retief, Colenso, Klerksdorp, Maritzburg and oh yes of course, the odd few even married girls from India…
These poor, unsuspected girls…thinking this guy is innocent and haari poyra just like her…if only they knew what they were getting up to six months before…
Oh yes…and what is this shit about going to Cape Town for New Year and sleeping with any girl they can, going to party it up in the famous “loop street” every night and then going for Hajj the next year so that ‘all their sins are forgiven’? Makes me soooo sick!

The other girls were good enough to have their cocks in all orifices, smoke zol with, go to club and party with, spend every weekend with, yet not good enough to marry? Such hypocrisy!
What if these same guys decide that his new wifey is too boring and they revert to their old ways of one-night stands, clubbing, drugs, etc? What then? Then he ventures outside of his marriage to look for these things… sad, sad state of affairs…

And yes, I know, this could work both ways…I’m not sexist, but I’m just using MY perspective to make a point…

Recipe: Butter Chicken

2008-10-13T15:17:00.000+02:00

Here is the first of many delicious recipes…

This recipe was given to me by my oldest and best friends. I was using another recipe to make Eid Lunch and she came to visit me the night before Eid. I was straining pureed tomatoes at the time and the whole recipe looked too long and complicated.
This is the recipe she gave me (with a few of my own touches thrown in!). It’s simple, quick and most importantly, tastes divine J

BUTTER CHICKEN
1 kg chicken fillet (cubed)
100g – 200g melted butter (depends on how rich you want it)
1 tsp each of red masala powder, dhania, jeero
2 tsp of ginger garlic masala (I use the one with red chillies added…gives it an extra kick!)
2 packets of Koo tomato paste
250ml of Fresh Cream
Salt to taste

Braise chicken fillet in butter until chicken is white.
Add spices and braise a bit more.
Add both packets of tomato paste.
Allow to simmer until chicken is tender.
Add fresh cream and bring to boil. Add salt to taste.
Serve with Naan or Roti or Rice.

Return to the gym...Insha-allah

2008-10-10T10:43:00.000+02:00

I don’t ever remember being this fat…oh wait, I suddenly do. I was quite chubby as a kid, but thank goodness it was all puppy fat…after I turned 9, the chubbiness just mysteriously disappeared. I was lucky enough not to put on too much weight during my teenage years and after high school, with the help of ‘Health & Racquet Club’ I was able to maintain my weight well.

I was an avid gym bunny for a good couple of years, but when I met the fiancé, suddenly sweating and panting for hours did not appeal to me any longer…BIG MISTAKE…
Anyone knows that if you have muscle mass and you no longer maintain and build it, it just turns into yucky, icky blubber…yeah, that’s where I am two years later… Oh and the fact that I love food AND I’m getting older means that my metabolism is no longer working the way it used to…which brings me to one inevitable conclusion---I need to get back to being the gym fanatic I was.

Speaking of the Gym, I had a few qualms whilst I was frequenting the Lenasia Virgin Active…
1) the annoying little “Paris Hilton” Wannabe twits. You know, the girls that are all dolled up and dressed up complete with GHD’ed hair and faces painted like a geisha girl…and THEY have the audacity to smirk and make fun of people like me; who are actually there to do what you are intended to do and not try-out for Lenasias’ Next Top Model.
2) the scrawny guys who admire their ‘muscles’ in the huge mirrors (also something I hate!) after doing like one rep of bicep curls.
3) guys wearing itsy-bitsy speedos in the pool. In my opinion, only Pro swimmers should be allowed to wear these…even then---only a few select ones. (Yes I know, I should ‘lower my gaze’…)
4) inconsiderate people not wiping the equipment after use.
5) people not sticking to the 20minute limit during peak times.

Despite these, I did quite enjoy attending the gym. I cannot believe I used to be there every single day, on an average of 2hours per day and now I am so unfit I can’t even cycle up my road without panting and breaking a sweat…I kid you not!

Seeing that I have to look stunning in a wedding dress in 3 months time, I better get off my fat ass and do something towards achieving the stunningness (that’s not even a word, is it?) I speak of…

Faz out…

Ahlan-Wasahlan

2008-10-09T12:26:00.000+02:00

So here I am, starting fresh...
I used to have a blog over at Diaryland for many years, but it kinda lost it's appeal after a while. I stopped blogging, but realised how much I miss it, so I have been contemplating to start somewhere else...
That and getting pretty inspired by a few blogs I have been reading has spurred me to finally get this thing going...

And so it begins...